You’re Now a Member of the OccupyTeaParty, Whether You Like it or Not

January 10th, 2012

From the early days of the Occupy Movement I have been calling for Solidarity with the Tea Party, to just admit that the government is no longer a public servant but a mercenary, and to put down all these petty issues and actually form a broad populist movement that restricts itself to the issues upon which 99% of us actually agree.


At first I saw many indicators that this was possible. For example, many of the activists who I met in the early days of the Tea Party, who “occupied” the Federal Reserve in 2007 on the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, are now activists in the Occupy Movement. Like me, they witnessed what was essentially an anti-war, anti-Fed movement get hijacked by the Republican mainstream.

So I’ve decided to form the OccupyTeaParty, to unify the extremists of the left and the extremists of the right to co-opt the middle. Because let’s face it, the middle has been hijacking our movements all along.

As I am currently the only member of the OccupyTeaParty I am by default the Supreme Leader of the Movement. So, my first act as Supreme Leader of the Movement is to issue a draft. Every man, woman and child within the sound of my Voice is now a member of the OccupyTeaParty, whether they like it or not. If you are in favor of the goals of the Movement, welcome to the party. If you are opposed to the goals of the Movement your job is now to insult, miscontrue and slander us as much as you can muster, because nothing legitimizes a movement like controlled opposition. My second act as Supreme Leader is to declare every member of the OccupyTeaParty to be the Supreme Leader of the Movement. So, set your own goals, do your own work and for god’s sake think for yourself!

With that in mind, I think it’s time to host an actual tea party. I’m not talking about reenacting some ancient tax protest nobody remembers anyway. I’m talking about dawning some funny hats, animals masks and a wardrobe only a schizophrenic could love and putting all our crazy out on the table over tea and cookies. Because any movement where crazy can’t succeed is doomed to fail anyway.

I’m scouting out San Francisco tea houses now and I’ll keep you updated as the details emerge. But I want everyone to do their part in the meantime. If you’re a seasoned Tea Party Patriot or an Occupy activist I want you to brew some tea, find a funny hat and head down to your local Occupation, or local Tea Party meet-up and make a new friend. If anyone acts surprised to see you just tell them you were personally invited to discuss your differences over a cup a tea by the Supreme Leader of the Movement. And if they get belligerent casually mention to them that you ARE the Supreme Leader of the Movement… and so are they.

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About the Author: Davi Barker

In grade school Davi refused to recite the pledge of allegiance because he didn't understand what it meant. He was ordered to do as he was told. In college he spent hours scouring through the congressional record trying to understand this strange machine. That's where he discovered Dr. Ron Paul. In 2007 he joined the End The Fed movement and found a political home with the libertarians. The Declaration of Independence claims that the government derives its power “from the consent of the governed." He does not consent.