It’s The Zombie Apocalypse!
May 30th, 2012I came across this article titled “What are the tax implications of the zombie apocalypse?” on the blog io9.com which overs science, science fiction, and the future. Law professor Adam Chodorow from Arizona State University authored a paper for the Iowa Law Review examining the implications of “zombification” on estate planning and income tax. His inquiry essentially centered around whether or not a zombie was still legally the same person they were before. He wrote:
While it might be tempting to declare them dead, significant line-drawing problems would arise as one tried to distinguish between zombies and those who have suffered some mental or physical breakdown.
He goes on to speculate that some people might intentionally try to become infected if certain ambiguities in the tax code are not rectified, but I was interrupted and didn’t finish the article. Because when I went back to Google to find the article again I found a list of recent articles that left me wondering… if there ever was a Zombie Apocalypse, would the government even tell us?
It starts with the Center for Disease Control publishing a blog post titled, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse.” Apparently the CDC is preparing for a zombie invasion. They wrote:
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation.
Unfortunately their suggestions for a zombie apocalypse preparedness kit suck. Always remember, when the looting begins don’t go to the gun shop. If you aren’t armed by the time the news breaks it’s already too late. Go to the scuba supply store and get yourself a Kevlar shark diving suit. They may be undead, but they have human teeth.
But it gets weirder.
Then there were a number of Hazmat incidents, all in Florida, all in the last month. On the 19th an unidentified chemical was released at the Fort Lauderdale International Airport. The terminal was evacuated and shut down for two hours as Hazmat teams swept the area. Five people were sent to the hospital, including three TSA agents. The chemical never identified to the public and only described as an “irritant.” On the 23rd a Hazmat team was called out to Lake County after 27 children and adults onboard a school bus were exposed to a strange chemical. Officials decontaminated the children and one female staff member was taken to the hospital. On the 24th two schools in Broward County, Florida were shut down and swept by Hazmat teams after 4 students and 1 teacher from Lauderdale Lakes Middle School, and 12 students and 2 teachers from McArthur High School all came down with similar rashes. Officials have still not revealed the cause of the outbreak.
Hazmat teams don’t necessarily point to a zombie outbreak. But these do.
All of these occurred in the last week. On the 21st in Westchester, Illinois a man grabbed a woman by the throat and bit her cheek. On the 23rd in San Diego, California a man bit off his cousin’s nose. On the 26th in Orlando, Florida a man was charged with felony battery for spitting blood in a highway patrolman’s face. The mas was reportedly “extremely agitated and enraged,” and repeatedly banged his head on the patrol car’s plexiglass partition “until he bled.” And finally, also on the 26th, a naked man in Miami, Florida was shot by police. He was found eating another man’s face, and when he refused to stop the officer shot. But there’s the thing… after being shot, he kept eating. Witnesses claim the officer fired half a dozen times before the attacker was dead. The man was found near the MacArthur Causeway, within 30 miles of both schools and the airport where the first Hazmat incidents occurred.
It is possible that the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us? That the government has kept it out of the media. That I was a fool for investing in silver instead of bullets and food rations? Or is it maybe that that I’m just really jonesing for the new season of Walking Dead.
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