A Precious Metals Week TinFoilTwofer: Ancient Aliens Enslaved Humans to Mine Gold

So…. I missed TinFoil Tuesday. But there’s so many conspiracy theories that are just perfect for Precious Metals Week that I figured a Tinfoil Twofer was in order. We could talk about the musical chairs locking mechanism at fort Fort Knox that prevents inspectors from ever seeing all the gold at once. We could discuss all the theories about what actually became of the Nazi gold horde. Or how about the FDA suppressing the TRUTH about colloidal silver. If we wanted to get really tinfoil I could explain why some people believe 9/11 was actually the largest gold heist in history. But, if we’re going to pull out all the stops we’re going to have to talk about aliens.

I saw Cowboys and Aliens in the theater. I guess I was feeling nostalgic for Fire Fly, so when I saw a sci-fi/wild-west mash-up I had to go. The film was pretty much a flop, but it presented a pretty interesting thesis. Aliens need gold. Lots and lots of gold. But this was hardly a literary invention created by the film makers. It’s part of a peculiar theory of human origin that many conspiracy theorists are now adopting. The theory comes from the 1976 book The 12^th Planet by Zecharia Sitchin who, in addition to apparently considering the Sun and Moon planets, is a self-proclaimed scholar of ancient astronauts and Sumerian texts. It goes something like this.

According to ancient Sumerian texts a “12^th Planet” exists called Nibiru, or “Planet of the Crossing.” Nibiru has an abnormally large elongated elliptical orbit taking it far out past Pluto and then all the way back within Earth’s orbit every 3,600 years. Nibiru is the home of the Anunnaki, (also known as the Jedi, the Nephilim, or the Watchers) a highly advanced race of extra-terrestrials. There’s just one problem. The Anunnaki have destroyed the environment on Nibiru and the atmosphere is deteriorating. There’s only one solution… build a gold shield around the planet. (Why didn’t Al Gore think of that?)

So, 445,000 years ago the Anunnaki came to Earth to mine gold in what is now South Africa, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Malawi and Tanzania. This worked out just fine for 145,000 years but then disgruntled Anunnaki gold miners went on strike demanding better working conditions.

Not to be discouraged by the strike, an Anunnaki scientist named “Enki” teamed up with a physician named “Ninhursag” to fertilize the egg of some primitive female Earth primate with the seed of a young Anunnaki male and implant the fertilized egg into a female Anunnaki by in vitro fertilization. (I wonder what the ancient Sumerian word for “in vitro fertilization” is?) The result was a hybrid, the first Homo Sapiens, with all the upper brain functions and possible digits to operate the Anunnaki mining equipment, but still basically primitive enough to be managed and effective slave labor.

This went on for another 294,000 (Apparently solving an environmental crisis with a gold shield takes hundreds of thousands of years to complete. Must be a government program). But then 6,000 years ago the Anunnaki left Earth, setting up religions and kingships as intermediaries between them and our human managers before they left. All the governments of the world are puppets of these gold hungry aliens, overseeing slave plantations of genetically engineered gold miners. (Now we know where the Fort Knox gold went).

Does it get any more tinfoil than that? It’s simply amazing how popular this theory has become. Sitchin’s books have sold millions of copies and been translated into 25 languages.

Here’s what I don’t get. Why come to Earth? Gold is not particularly abundant here, and if they aren’t going to give us some high tech mining equipment (which we were apparently engineered to operate) it’s not particularly easy to get to. Couldn’t they simply have mined asteroids? Comets and asteroids have much higher concentrations of precious metals than planets, and it’d be much easier to acquire. In fact, geologists speculate that all of the precious metals near the Earth’s surface came from meteor bombardment because while the planet was molten heavy metal would have sunk into the core.

So, how come this highly advanced species that can travel between planets can’t mine the asteroid belt, which their planet passes twice during its long elliptical orbit? Oh well. I guess it’s not a slaves place to question the master. Just point me at a gold mine. I’d like to get me some.

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